night of the Royal ..

was a ‘Royal Fright !’

.. 'the Royal' (embellished with a bit of horseshit for Dylan and Tim, which Karl will spot easily - but someone had to write this & seems it fell to me !) NoteWorthy - my late Aunt Dorothy was alumni & helped Dylan's mother aboard The Fair for a seasonal job when he was about three)

.. was common practice attending The Royal Winter Fair & specially if you had a kid(s) or were one at heart.. easy eh ! After all, were free samples, misc snacks.. & the prize piggies, cattle, goats n ducks deserve & needed the love

The show folk creature owners were spotted always, in respective spaces of The Coliseum, grooming, sleepin on hay bales. Not sure how the piglets felt, borne there even.. with the ominous smells of back bacon sammies drifting by or BBQ chicken wafting into the prize rooster & egg layer area.. was life size sculpture done with frozen Ontario butter, cheese curd a plenty.. candy floss, pretzel samples.. and a zillion people milling about

So basically a 10 day agricultural fair.. & if you were lucky you ducked through curtained portals & caught cowgirls barrel racing, dirt flying and could look up at truly astonishing size horsies in box stalls. But the horses were pretty sheltered from us gawkers otherwise.. & those giant Bulls !

Well, one year we scores an invite to join Karl and his girlfriend.. she was a somebody - who's Dad knew somebody or owed money to & had four tickets to the actual SHOW ! Like in the Royal VIP seating area for the FINAL SHOWDOWN ! ie the actual HORSE SHOW.. Uh oh.. gotta dress appropriate.. shirt, Salvation Army dollar tie, borrowed jacket, comb hair or wear a stetson ? .. Be on time, cocktails prior eh ! now we talkin turkey

We were a very fine n handsome four horse party that arrived and presented the coveted tickets and took our reserved center arena Royal seats with very regal aplomb. There was some pageantry, we could sip on an elegant fuzzy over carbonated wine from Ville de Somewhere and thus it began

Our gold leaf embedded parchment programs showed the schedule.. the el grande finale would be the show jumping of course. Canada's best ie Big Ben with Ian Millar aboard would canter into the arena via the corner double doors where the ZAMBONI normally accessed the rink. It was the Coliseum.. I did mention this.. wuz where the Toronto Marlboroughs played n neighed

Anyways anyways we scrunched in our seats as wondrous n sundry horsies politely paraded.. I was getting restless & wondered if they had draft beer somewhere in this cavernous gala event. Fizzy wine in plastic glasses was not my thing & Where was the thunder of hooves ?

Some Royal envoy arrived from THE ROYAL YORK.. a Sub Lieutenant of Something or other.. We clapped like seals. Not a Stetson to be seen I noted, lotsa hair pins & lightly striped trousers.. cravattes a plenty.. and fearsome ladies hats. Deary me, we were only getting to the 2nd period of this game !

I scored 4 beer for about 100 dollars, no tip and felt positively ROYAL ! Let me be very clear though. The arena Show Crew & all horse related handlers were top drawer. The big doors swung wide for the Budweiser heavy eights.. and they were splendiferous ! Screw the King.. or Queen.. ! these were ALL WORLD BEASTIES.. they musta hauled in the draft beer we wuz drinking ! The Show Announcer was no slouch & he rattled off the Team, finishing with the Boss Hoss on the inside right lead. YO ! I shouted ! Raised my beer ! Dark & mean uppity royal stares sent my way..

.. 'YO' !! .. I gave my best devil may care ..

more looksa malice.. Bring it ya toffs..

I had a beer in hand and a backup

The poop was scooped, the arena dirt got a quick tractor & harrow touch up re-arrange and we moved on with a two horse n buggy rig demonstration. Now I had worked with standardbreds so this got my attention. These horsies could be real prisses or pricks, but they had spark & style ! So out they comes in a flowing group of four.. all matched chestnut Morgan’s ! lined em up and judges put em through the paces.. all good ! n some dirt flingin high in the corners of course of course

Then I slide to edge of seat and smoked my lead beer down. I knew what these horses were like.. they had 'big edge'. Hell, they looked great, driver and passenger draped in Scottish plaid blanket or some heavy velvet fabric, top hat, tuxedo.. buggy whip.. I thought about how much room and how much pace four teams could handle within an indoor hockey rink.. afore the final joust & sprint to line up first before the head judge.. and lo He commanded the fastest final pace, after counter clockwise command and the blocking, cutting & jockeying began.. huge ‘showy’ points here and I saw the crowding and 'showing' getting truly silly on the turns.. some wheel to wheel Ben Hur wheel hub to hub grind showboating.. & watch those buggywhips don’t go astray eh ! !

The ears on one team of Morgans flattened off turn three corner, dirt flying eyes rolling.. some bad wiggle waggle uh oh and the team suddenly decided 'screw this' and headed for the dressing room. Holy Hell ! They - almost - jumped the gate ! Screaming horses, twisted leathers, gasps & shouts from astonished crowd, metal breaking wood breaking thrashing.. Horror !!

All Arena lights went out.. 'Silence' roared the announcer

A few pinlights seen around the giant twin door gate, the lads n gals were freeing the horses lickedy split as knives flashed from the wrecked buggy still somewhat in the arena, towels on the horses heads, more knife work, the horses a brutal tangle dangle on inside side of the gates. We sat in silence, fearing the worst.. horses down - a horrible sight. And this a horrible scene.. with still three revved up wildass teams out there & milling wildly in the dark..

and they could hear everything.. every wild shriek. The blood was up

.. an astonishing thing to witness. A team of horses bolting and no turning back.. no fear

It all ended well.. that crack crew had also read the vibe early and sure jumped into action.. solid horse people, mainly volunteer or breeders etc and arena people

.. n I got another adrenaline experience of the horse kind

Was a 'Royal' fright ! What ended up right ! 🦎🏴‍☠️